Spiritual Path Not Aligned With You Partners?

| Inspiration

Many couples face a challenge when it comes to their religious beliefs or actions. It should not really be a big surprise as we are each at different places in our spiritual growth and maturity, no to mention the different ways we each handle life’s challenges.

What do you do if you feel like you’re not aligned? You be patient and refocus on yourself. Imagine if you will a starting point marked on one side of a paper, this is YOU and on the opposite side of the paper the finish, WHERE YOU WANT TO BE. Just for ease of helping you understand let’s say that the end point is YOUR ETERNAL FAMILY.

In between your start and finish there are a lot of events, some help you progress straight forward and then your path looks like a curly “q” as some unplanned trial happens and you struggle to get back to your path.

You can clearly see that your path is not one straight line and trying to create a perfect” parallel” course with your significant other is actually impossible. They have their own start and their own finish and their finish may not even be the same as yours, and you know what that’s ok.

There have been times in my life when I have been at a higher spiritual level and “pushed” my spouse into being at the same place that I am and vice versa. While a little nudging every now and then is ok pushing someone to a religious level is typically not going to achieve what you want it to and both of you are likely to end up disappointed when it does not come together as you imagined.

Instead of working so hard on getting both of you there it is MORE important for you to build your relationship in a different way. Simply work on each of YOU being the best YOU that YOU can be, a lot of YOUs in there. You can’t make something happen for someone else but you can absolutely become the best you that you can be.

When you do this guess what happens? Your significant other is able to reach their best too. They are not feeling punished or like they are letting you down by not meeting your expectations. Your spouse feels loved and accepted for who they are and this gives them the ability to progress forward because when we are pushing them along we are actually creating a curly “q” in their path, creating frustration and let down. In time they may just give up altogether, because what is the point.

If you are doing things like praying, attending church and studying alone don’t make it uncomfortable for you both. Simply accept that they may at this time not be ready to accompany you and by doing so in time you just might find they will be much more likely to join you when not feeling forced.

The Lord does not send us on our journey and demand that we do exactly as commanded or punish you, right? Why? You have your agency to pick for yourself and if he forced you to action what purpose would that serve? The same purpose that it serves if we try to force our spouse.

Live happy, enjoy each other and don’t put pressure on each other to finish on the same path. You can both get to the same destination in time.

-AJ- Honest Sassy Mama

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Tiger vs Dragon Marriage

| Daily Life, Inspiration

I saw this image at a summer art show of a tiger and a dragon and jokingly said to Dave, look it’s us! I really contemplated writing a blog post about our marriage because it has been everything but perfect, but then I realized that’s what Honest Sassy Mama is all about, the reality of life and not creating a picture for our followers of perfection.

We have been married for almost 4 years, both previously widowed. I jumped into our marriage way to fast coming off of a trauma and rocky relationship. At the time Dave was my anchor and one of the only people around who I could trust and didn’t throw me to the wolves.

However, Dave and I are also like oil and water and because of what I had gone through I was absolutely not myself when we met. I was beat up, bruised and bleeding inside. Because of this I also had a very muted drawn back personality and had lost all my spark and fire.

We both brought some past scars and psychological burdens to our marriage that made the first 2 years hell. I won’t even cherry coat that word because it is what it was. We had issues with our children, personal lives, our own selves and burdens haunting us from our past.

We would get into horrible heated arguments, I’ve called the cops to our house on a couple of occasions, and neither of us would say we are proud of the words we have spoken in those moments. We would go to the bishop, counselors and everyone would say the same thing, we needed to separate or change. I have been so close to separating that I have even started to file paperwork, look for houses and make an exit plan. So why am I still here?

Progress, because I can see the progress in our relationship. Sometimes slow but it is happening.  I have to learn to be less defensive; Dave less controlling and we meet in the middle. I have always heard the words “people can’t change”, but guess what they can.

You also have to remove poisons from your relationship. This means letting go of the past to include people who may have caused emotional harm. This one can be really hard but you can’t focus on your relationship if the issues that you are dealing with are still being fed.

We are together because we are the ones who decided to get remarried and create a blended family and while we may not be doing it perfectly we are committed to our children to do the best that we can for them and us.

You have to learn how to get past the little things and focus on what is really important. Recognize your own shortcomings so that you can better help your spouse. I know my triggers are lack of sleep and feeling like I’m being controlled and when these happen I get very defensive and I am quick to put on my armor. As we have both worked on our relationship I catch myself reacting to things based on our past behaviors and I really have to stop myself and remember that Dave has made huge changes and that it is unfair for me to jump to conclusions.

If you love each other, don’t give up! You can both make changes and make things work. This is not to say that you will never take steps back either, because you will, but always push forward to progress further than where you were before.

Blessings!

-AJ-

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Just Put It All In A Blender

| Daily Life, Reality Check

As I scroll through my Insagram this morning it’s flooded with photos of bloggers and their white picket fence lifestyle. All their images show adorably
       Mom Hangovers Are Real

dressed kids, beautiful homes and pictures of their beachy vacations. Come on now, your kids still make messes and throw fits, you still have issues with your husband and you trying to manage your intimate life and demands of jobs and kids,  and  your dinner burns just like everyone else’s, so take off your blinders.

I would love to be able to post a super cute photo of our family. We have boys ranging from 23 to 2 and we have zero photos with all of our kids, mostly because they don’t like each other so it’s not worth it. We don’t have time for vacations and I’ll be quite honest I’m a scrooge and vacations just seem like a big waste of money. I’d rather just drive an hour and camp in the forest, next to a bubbling brook.

Most of the time I’m pretty sure all of our kids hate us, with the exception of the two year old and that is only because he needs us for his complete survival so he is still in his “love you always” years.

Our blended family is a mess of emotions, kids feeling like they have been put second to each other, raw feelings of hurt from the loss of their biological parents to life’s unfair process. I don’t blame any of them, I really don’t. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to have a parent pass away and have to be shoved into a “new family”. At times my kids are incredibly cruel with their words and actions, although I certainly hope that they simply don’t always mean what they say or do. It certainly can break a mothers soul.

No matter your circumstance, don’t be fooled by the “picture perfect” social media posts. ANYONE can portray perfection. This is the exact reason why I decided to start blogging. I want you to know that you are not alone. My life is a FAR CRY from perfect.

I wake up every day with a “real life” hangover. Many times I am fighting with an inner demon as I pry myself out of bed. While I fully believe in the atonement there are moments when my past decides to haunt my present. Between this, juggling a full time job, husbands business and my kids, I feel completely drained.

I make a conscious choice every morning to be happy, as well as throughout the day if I hit “trigger points” that send me into a dark place. I have to fight to be where I am, yes I have figured out how to manage and cope and I could be posting these glamorous photos of perfection on my page too but I want you to really get me and I want you to see that you can have really low moments and still be able to find your potential.

These people with their perfect looking worlds are also the ones that many times hit rock bottom and go off the deep end so stop comparing what you have to what it appears that they have. Chin up, we all have things going on behind closed doors that we muck our way through and it may not always be glamorous, but rather messy, and that is just the reality of life!

As always, have a ridiculously amazing day!

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I Have A Pet Named Anxiety

| Reality Check

I have a pet named Anxiety. Many of us have pets with the same name, they come in all sizes, colors, some have softer coats than others and some even come with extra special decorative collars, mine has an obsessive compulsive accessory.

Now unfortunately for those of us who don’t really like pets, I don’t even allow shoes in my home let alone pets, you can’t simply get rid of your pet because you don’t like it. We will just call it a “permapet” because it will never leave, but we can tame it!

I have what I call high functioning anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. If I am not able to control, manage, treat, orchestrate, contain, or suppress my fun pet it then leads to severe fatigue, fear and depression.

Quick back ground so you get a better photo- college education -masters degree, veteran –usaf pilot, mother of 4 living boys, lost my only baby girl at 26 days old- CHD, miscarried 10 + times, widowed from suicide, re-married to a widower, business entrepreneur, quality assurance specialist – job I love.

Sometimes my pet gets lose and when it does I become extremely irritable, I can’t stand to be around anyone and this can take a serious toll on my relationships.  This become really fun because the more that I feed it, the worse it becomes. My pet loves lack of sleep, social situations and “crunch points” which are created when I have a timeline and can’t figure out how to get done what I need to. I begin to obsess over everything. Here is an example, if my son has flip flops on I will take a pair of sneakers in my car in case there is a natural disaster, what if we had to walk a long way. The “what ifs” take over frequently…

How do I manage my pet? I literally have a bizzilion coping techniques, I won’t go into all of them here because I will leave that for another post. Here is the point that I want to make today, as a Christian many people have this incorrect thought process that they can “pray away” this pet. Can’t be done.

You cannot simply go to church, read your scriptures and pray. And don’t sit there and think, “oh how little faith” because if you are I can guarantee you have no idea what this pet is.

You don’t pray for your pet to leave, you pray that you can better train your pet. You pray that you can manage your pet that God will give you the strength daily to deal with what you have. We at times actually make this worse because we get it in our heads if we are living righteously we shouldn’t be dealing with this right, wrong.

God is there it HELP you through this. He knows and understands what you are dealing with and he is here to comfort you, to hold and to provide strength. No different than with our own relationships, you can’t simply “remove” the struggling emotions of others, but we can offer condolences, humility and love.

Using the gospel as your center point you can then begin to find the things that help you to control your anxiety, because YES you can still have a high functioning productive life. You can become the “You-er than You”, I promise…

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Super Easy Fork Tender Pork Chops

| Recipes

If you have been following me on social media you have probably figured out by now I live a pretty hectic

life. When it comes to dinner I don’t have time to make much of anything but  I also don’t want to just slam down a box of Mac & Cheese every night so, I get smart about what I cook.

This is one of my favorite pork chop recipes, I’m not really a pork chop fan but every once in awhile I try to keep it exciting.  I serve this with baked potatoes, Rhodes Soft Yeast Rolls and a simple steam in the bag veggie.

Best Pressure Cooker Pork Chops For Busy Families

2 to 4 Pork Chops

Now, you can get all fancy and add the dry spices to a zip lock, make a rub and then saute your pork chops on the browning feature of your Pressure Cooker. Or you can go with the kids running around with a Sharpie Marker throw it all in the pot method that I use.

Add to your Pressure Cooker –

1 cup chicken broth

1/2 tsp onion powder

1 tsp liquid smoke

1/2 TBS worcestershire sauce

1 tsp black pepper 

1 tsp paprika

1 tsp salt

Cook for 30 min, I add 15 to 20 more if the Pork Chops are thick.

TahDah! Super simple and it looks like you tried.

 

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Swiss Chicken Bake – My Favorite Recipie

| Recipes

This is one of my, or could be my favorite recipe. I made it last night and then forgot to take a photo. So the photo is what it looks like the day after, having been left out all night. It looks a lot better when its fresh, when I get around to cooking it again I will update, if I remember to.  Enjoy!

4 boneless chicken breasts (I always hammer the crap out of my chicken with one of those meat beater things).

1 cup mayo

1 cup sour cream

2 cups parmesan cheese

salt & pepper to taste

2 tsp garlic

Mix the mayo, sour cream, parmesan cheese, salt & pepper and garlic powder together. Put a layer in a 9 x 13 baking dish, add chicken. Cover with swiss cheese and then top with remaining mixture.

Cook at 375 degrees for 60 min. I like to cook it for about 50 min then sprinkle more parmesan on top and crank up the heat to about 425 to get a little crisp on the top. Im not responsible if you try this and burn it.

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