I keep repeating the phrase, over and over again, “this is not the same situation.” I don’t believe myself, it feels too real, too parallel, anxiety floods my body and my mind spins faster.
The price of hay is four times what it was last year, and no one has any for sale. The real estate market has blown up in the past 12 months, prices are creeping up on everything.
I’ve been here before. In my first marriage living in financial fear. We never had enough and were always in debt to the point that we could never climb out, deeper and deeper until the only option was to claim bankruptcy, instead my husband took his own life.
I feel smothered, I can’t breathe, is it happening again? “No!” I tell myself that this is different, the entire situation is different. I am now remarried, our careers are different, this is not the same. But, I don’t believe myself. I can’t go through this again, please, God no, I can’t.
I sit in my office chair, suddenly realizing that I need to “snap” myself out of this. I have the power, the ability to overcome this mental torture. I create an affirmation, “this is not the same,” but it does not work. It feels to close to the same and I know it. You can’t lie to yourself.
I sit, resonating with myself, fighting down the misty dark smog, I can do this. I start again, pen to paper. “Although there are similarities, this is not the same situation.” This time I believe it, because it is completely true, and I know it. I climb out of the rabbit hole just in time for my client to arrive.
That is the thing with affirmations, you can’t lie your way into something that you know isn’t true. You have to work with your subconscious to create a phrase that you can align with. Adding the simple statement of “although there are similarities,” was exactly what I needed to be able to get my mind to align with the fact that this is different and to stop expecting the worst to happen.
Our minds are beautiful things, but they can also be our worst enemy when unleashed.
Blessed Healing!
AJ
Wow, I cannot tell you how much I needed to see this today. Thank you ever so much!