I have made a couple of posts recently about my views on the shifting culture surrounding the current acceptable “momminess”. When I was growing up, social media did not exist and the big focus was on magazines and celebrities unrealistic body images after having children.
Here we are today, we have reached a place where corporations are recognizing the “real” body image, Dove and new companies like Kinx – “Intimates For Real Life” are using real untouched woman in all of their photos and ads and then we have ourselves on social media undoing all of it.
If I scroll through my Instagram feed 85% of what I see are “selfies” of woman with their drink mixes or supplements posting about their Keto meals and workouts. I am all for being healthy but there is an undoing of what we are trying so hard to achieve, at least what I know I would want my own daughter to see.
Am I being too harsh? If you want to dedicate your life to your own fitness and happiness then I get it, I am not judging what you do, I am honestly just saddened by the social media image we are sending other moms and I am going to share my story with you so perhaps you understand, the effect that it can have on others.
On Oct 2, 2015 I gave birth to a sweet baby girl who had a known heart defect. She was rushed to the CICU where she spent the remainder of her short 26 days. When I should have been focused on myself and cuddling my daughter I instead was forced into no recovery and spending my postpartum in a small little room while my new baby lay helpless and full of tubes on life support.
Here I am, surrounded by this cultural expectation to get me body back into my pre-pregnancy shape. Why, because culture has made new moms feel like they have to be engaging in wraps and workouts and magic potions.
Google Postpartum and you will see the divide, at the same time companies are making a profit off of postpartum shape wear and belts and bands to shrink your hips we have articles on depression medications and signs and warnings related to mental health.
So, here I am at the hospital completely sucked into this trend with 3 belly bands, hip shrinkers and supplements to get that body back, oh and is there a gym at the Children’s Hospital?
I had seen some of the blogs I follow, moms taking after photos with their cute new babies and their skinny bodies, although their posts always say something about how horrible they look… If they can do it so can I, something must be wrong with me otherwise.
On day 3 I started hemorrhaging, I did not even tell anyone but I know it was from the fact that I was pushing myself to recover. Everyone was so focused on my baby that I just hid it, lucky for me there were no consequences to my stupid choices. My baby passes away and I went into a psychological state of hell. In 2014 I became anorexic and lost 50 lbs in 12 weeks. Guess who started back down that road? This need to be perfect, the perfect mom, clean house, career, textbook everything sent me into a bad place. My life literally unraveled before my eyes for the second time…
This is why I am pretty sensitive when I see a new mom make a post on a social media page asking if they can do their liquid “detox” diet while nursing and on their personal page they are also posting pictures of a scale each day with their weight.
We get to this place where the industries advertising clothing and intimates are moving into a world of celebrating body image, we have brave mommas posting their c-section scars, cellulite and stretch marks as ACCOMPLISHMENTS and on the other spectrum we have a push for mommy fitness.
I leave you with this, being a mom is HARD! Juggling your house, children and all the other tasks does not leave you much for self-care. Take a moment, LOVE who you are. Be picky about the social media you follow, remember ANYONE can post only their perfections but rarely does anyone have the courage to post their reality.
Having struggled with anorexia and body image myself I can tell you that for me it is a way to self-medicate, starving myself and trying to find the perfect body image has been a cover up, a way to try to like myself…. Don’t get caught up in perfection, it is not worth giving up the precious things in life. Be your own healthy and don’t be OBSESSED.
-AJ- Honest Sassy Mama